family | From The Heart

How the Personal Care Home Tried to Steal Christmas and What We Can Learn From It

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Happy belated holidays to all my readers. I have several blogs that I’ve started over the last two weeks but haven’t had time to finish. As the holidays fast approached, life got busier. I’m sure many of you can relate to that. I will post some of my partially written blogs next week after tweaking them a little to reflect the post-date publishing.

Christmas is my favourite holiday but it’s also a hectic time. Shopping, baking, cleaning, celebrating, wrapping, planning, preparing, you get the gist. Add freezing winter temperatures, snowstorms, shovelling and spending an extra ten minutes getting dressed to head out and suddenly, the minutes, hours and days just fly by in a frigid and frenzied seasonal blur.

This month has been a complete gong show around here, especially as we got closer to the holidays. In between normal life obligations and responsibilities, I was tasked with planning our family Christmas gathering. Having two loved ones in a care home added to the challenge. We’re lucky they reside in the same facility. It would be even more difficult if they were in two different places.

Last Christmas

The past few years have been difficult. Between the pandemic and my mom and sister’s health issues, getting together as a family was not possible. Last year, my mom and sister were in two different hospitals during the holidays. Our Christmas celebration was done over a group Facetime session.

I brought Mom Christmas dinner and sat with her at the hospital while my sister’s husband sat with her at a different hospital where she was admitted. My brother and his family were nestled safely in their own home enjoying their own turkey dinner. We collectively set a time to do a group Facetime chat and for about 15 minutes, we celebrated the holiday virtually through the smallish screens on our phones. It was a unique holiday celebration, but we managed to make the most of it.

There’s no way we could have known just how different life would be a year later.

Because the last few years have been so challenging and my sister has missed out on every holiday and special event the last nearly three years, getting together this year was especially important for all of us. To have our family dinner, we/I had to work around special circumstances to make it happen. A wheelchair accessible location, transportation, medical care, and extra bundling to protect against the cold temperatures were the biggest concerns.

After weeks of discussions and planning, and Christmas only days away, all the arrangements were finally done. All that was left was waiting for the big day to arrive The whole family, especially my mom and sister, were excited about the upcoming festivities.

The Care Home Tried to Steal Christmas

As the last few days before Christmas were quickly winding down, the personal care home dropped the hammer. It started with a whispered rumour three days before Christmas that was confirmed later that day when I spoke with the director.

On December 22, my brother-in-law was told by one of the nurses at the care home that all resident leaves were suspended until further notice so no one could go out for Christmas. He told my sister who told my mom who quickly called me. I called the poor nurse who had the unlucky task of informing all families that called what little information she knew about the suspension.

No official notice or email was sent to inform families, many of whom who had already made plans to celebrate the festive season with their loved ones outside of the nursing home. Nor was it mentioned to me on December 19 when I called the care home and spoke to one of the nursing coordinators about our upcoming Christmas Day plans.

The director confirmed the rumour when I spoke with her later that day. After a lengthy discussion, she stated she couldn’t stop my mom and from going out with family but if they did leave the care home, there would be consequences. My mom and sister would have to quarantine in their rooms for 14 days after.

My mom and sister were devastated. My mom cried. They were looking forward to being with family for Christmas and now everything was in jeopardy. The thought that they would be missing another holiday was emotionally crushing. But the two had a difficult decision to make, miss Christmas or face staying in their room away from everyone for 14 days because they left the facility for a few hours.

I can’t and will never make decision for either relative, especially one like this. They were put in a difficult position that, to them felt like a lose-lose. Collectively, we reassured both Mom and Sister that we as a family fully supported whatever decision the two of them made. We were more than ready and willing to rearrange our family plans to meet their needs so they would still be with family on Christmas day.

After much thought and conversations, both Mom and sister decided they wanted to go for dinner. They want to be with their family so both are willing to quarantine for the 14 days afterwards. I promised to spend more time with them, as have other family members. We have all reassured them, they will not be alone during their quarantine period.

An official notice about the suspension was finally sent to all family members via email on December 23, leaving many families frustrated and frantically rearranging their holiday plans at the last minute.

So, after all the challenges, the home’s last minute, not communicated plan to restrict all leaves, our family Christmas dinner was a go. We took every precaution to keep my mom and sister safe and minimize every possible risk of getting sick.

Christmas Day

We had our Christmas dinner and it was, as holiday dinners go, organized chaos, busy, fun, merry, and most of all, wonderful. We laughed a lot, ate delicious food, and enjoyed a joyful and memorable evening together as a family. It was a very Merry Christmas for all and for all of us, a good night.

For my mom and sister, who are now in their quarantine period, going for Christmas dinner with their family was worth the consequence.

Closing Thoughts

There’s no question, the decision to suspend resident leaves was a very poorly planned and even more poorly communicated by the PCH. The suspension of resident leaves had nothing to do with the health authority’s policies. It was the volunteer boards own decision, and it was made without input from most residents or their families. Staff, residents and families were not informed in a clear or open manner. When the news was finally broadcast, only a few people were aware. The nursing staff were left to deal with the phone calls and complaints by surprised and frustrated family.

The care home’s decision to stop resident’s from going out during the holidays, a time that can already be difficult for some, was, while made with good intentions, mentally and emotionally harmful to the many residents who were eagerly anticipating spending the holidays with their families. It was also an added stress for the many families who were forced to readjust their plans at the last minute to accommodate the care home’s rule.

Living in a personal care home is not easy, especially during the holidays. Seniors who reside in PCHs lose their independence and freedom to participate in the familiar routines and traditions that have been part of their holiday celebrations for many years.

I am not opposed to protecting seniors. Having two loved ones in a care home, I am very well aware of how vulnerable and fragile their health is. Illnesses that inconvenience us can be life threatening for my mom, sister, and other adults residing in PCHs. I appreciate the hard work and efforts made to keep those residing in care homes healthy and safe.

But there must be balance between protecting the residents in a care home and allowing seniors to live their lives as best they can. A one-size-fits-all, all or nothing approach in decision making has and will never work. Creating policies and rules that only focus on the physical wellbeing while ignoring the emotional and mental wellbeing of residents can be more damaging to their health, especially during special occasions and holidays.

In the situation we faced as a family and community with this care home, the lack of communication was more than just an oversight or inconvenience. It was inconsiderate and disrespectful to all the residents and their families. My hope is for the staff and board to learn from the mistake so we can all help our senior loved ones have a high quality and enjoyable life in the nursing h

COVID-19: What I’ve Learned from Outbreaks at Mom’s Personal Care Homes

Posted on November 14 by Admin

It’s no secret that personal care homes have been severely affected by the COVID-19 pandemic. News stories from across the country highlighted significant flaws in the care and management of nursing homes in the early stages of the pandemic. This resulted in numerous outbreaks in several homes throughout the country with tragic outcomes.

Since the news first broke about the inadequate care in PCHs that led to the widespread outbreaks in many homes in 2020, there has been a very guarded and cautious approach at almost all long-term care centres to make sure these tragedies don’t happen again.

As the world opens and society goes back to pre-pandemic normalcy, long term care facilities keep many restrictions in place in an attempt to protect the residents.

For-Profit Care Home COVID-19 Restrictions

In the first, for profit care centre Mom was admitted to, the administrator proudly boasted their facility had the strictest COVID-19 protocols in the province. When mom first arrived at the centre, she was quarantined for 14 days, a standard practice with nursing homes. After the quarantine period, Mom was only allowed two designated visitors, my brother and I, to visit her. We had to take the home’s mandatory COVID-19 training session to see her. If we didn’t attend this session, we were not allowed in the building. Visitation was only allowed every second day Monday to Friday between the hours of 11:30 am to 1pm and 4:30 to 6:30 pm. We were screened upon entrance and forced to wear masks and face shields during our visit. If we didn’t follow the protocols, we were not allowed into the building. Her stay at this for-profit place was not during a public outbreak. In fact, public case counts were on the decline and society had already eased almost all of the public restrictions.

After the first month, she was allowed to see other friends and family. Visitors had to book an appointment and were restricted to visiting Mom in a room on the main floor. Staff monitored closely, often walking into the room during the 30-minute visit to ensure all visitors kept their face shields and masks on. Visitors who didn’t follow the rules were not allowed back into the building.

Despite the overly strict protocols in place at the profitable PCH, they had two separate COVID-19 outbreaks among patients and staff during the six weeks Mom stayed there. Sadly, one patient died during the second outbreak.

Government Run Centre’s COVID-19 Protocols

The government run facility my mom and sister are currently residing in now also has strict policies in place. Two people are allowed to visit at a time between 11 am to 7 pm weekdays and 9 am to 5 pm weekends. Visitors can only visit with their loved ones in their rooms or outside in the home’s enclosed garden. Visitors are screened upon entering the facility to make sure they are not symptomatic, exposed to COVID, travelled recently out of country or told to isolate. Masks are mandatory.

Three weeks ago, two residents on one of the three units started to display COVID symptoms. The PCH went into immediate lockdown while they tested the residents. Family, friends, and outsiders were not allowed to visit the facility and residents were isolated to their units and rooms only. It was soon confirmed that the two individuals had COVID and the facility has been under lockdown ever since.

Despite the strict lockdown policies put in place immediately, the virus spread. So far, eight people have contracted the virus from two different units.

Mom has COVID

Mom is one of the eight. She started displaying symptoms a week ago and was tested immediately. The second test confirmed she was COVID positive.

We worried about her having the virus because she is older and has comorbidities. COVID is one of those viruses that is unpredictable. We’ve had COVID in my house and know friends, family, and coworkers who have had COVID. While there are standard symptoms of the virus, everyone reacts differently so you don’t know from one person to the next how the virus is going to affect them in the short and long term.

Mom received excellent care and after a few days of severe symptoms, started feeling better. It’s been a week now since her first symptoms and while she’s still weak and has minimal appetite, the worst of the symptoms have passed.

Closure and Spread of the Virus

Despite the closure of the government run PCH to the public, the virus has spread to two separate units. It has gone from two possible cases to eight confirmed and two possible cases. The PCH has less than 80 people residing there so, while the case counts seem low, the population is also lower than most facilities.

COVID and My Sister

My sister, who resides in the same home on a different unit, has not contracted COVID-19 thankfully. It has not made its way to her ward to date. With her severe health issues, we worry about how the virus would affect her.

A Few Observations About COVID-19 Protocols

Despite the strict COVID-19 protocols that personal care homes have, both facilities have experienced outbreaks. While my mom and sister were not in a nursing home during the height of the pandemic, my sister was in and out of hospitals since March 2020. The difference in restrictions between hospitals and nursing homes is noticeable. While personal protective equipment and screening were still in place, visitation rules were not as strict.

While I agree that residents in personal care homes must be protected, I wonder how effective the strict restrictions are in actually keeping the virus out. In both facilities, it was not family and friends that spread the virus. The public was banned from visiting the nursing home three weeks ago as soon as the first two residents showed symptoms of COVID. Yet, despite the lockdown, the virus has spread to two out of three units. Eight residents out of 80 have contracted the virus and two were symptomatic as of three days ago.

It’s hard not to question the effectiveness of the policies since the virus is still getting into the facility and spreading despite strict restrictions and lockdown policies. If personal care homes want to protect their residents from this and other viruses, I would like the care centre to re-evaluate their policies and create guidelines that protect those residing in the homes without isolating and segregating them from their loved ones.

When Mom first contracted COVID, she commented how, even once she’s better, she won’t be going home. That was heartbreaking to hear. Like many residents, she mourns the life and home she has lost. For those of us who have never been forced from our homes, it’s hard to understand the grief that comes with moving into a healthcare facility. We take our life for granted without truly realizing how easily and quickly we can lose it.

After Mom’s test confirmed she had COVID, her roommate was moved to another room almost immediately to protect her from the virus. While understandable, I question why the nursing home staff reacted so quickly to protect a resident from the virus but did not take the same response to protect my mom from abuse.

As I wrote in my last blog, my mom was verbally and physically abused by a roommate in both care homes she stayed at. In both situations, staff heard and saw the abuse but did not do anything until my brother and I threatened to call the police. Despite zero tolerance policies in place at personal care homes, staff did not respond in either situation to protect Mom until we threatened police involvement. Yet they quickly and strategically protect residents from the COVID-19 virus. I find the difference in their response between a virus and abuse shocking and inexcusable. I’ve tried contacting the home’s social worker to further discuss this but so far have not spoken to her.

Closing Thoughts

I have observed firsthand how personal care homes respond to COVID-19 through my family’s own personal experiences and those experiences shared by friends and colleagues who have loved ones in care homes throughout the city and country. I appreciate and respect the attempts to protect adults residing in personal care homes from the COVID-19 virus, but, after seeing how easily and quickly the virus gets into care homes and spreads, despite the rigid policies, I question how effective those restrictions really are.

Not only has the virus spread despite the lockdown, but the restrictions also affect the mental, emotional, and physical health of the residents. Aside from being separated from their loved ones, residents are not allowed to leave their rooms so they can’t visit with each other. Because they can’t leave their room, they are not allowed a weekly bath or shower nor do not get their physiotherapy or reactional activities. They just sit alone in their room. Mom has a TV and phone, and my sister has her phone. That helps break the monotony of the day. However, many residents don’t have devices, so they just sit. I don’t need a degree to recognize how unhealthy that is.

I’ve also noticed the stark difference in the type of care residents receive in homes. I’m grateful for the immediate and aggressive medical care Mom received when she was first diagnosed. It made a significant difference in how she felt during the worst days and her recovery. I have seen this not only when my mom got COVID, but also in my sister’s ongoing care since she has moved into this personal care centre. Without question, the medical care is fantastic. But the same cannot be said for their rehabilitative care response to their own policies around abuse. As both places have stated, they do anything unless family get involved and say something. That’s not acceptable.

Mom never contracted COVID living in her own home. She had control over where and when she went out, so she could control her own level of risk and exposure. She has no control over the risk factors in the nursing home.

As someone who believes that not all senior’s should be automatically panelled into a personal care home when they lose their ability to live independently, I believe that this is yet another reason why we as a society need to develop strategies of care so senior’s can remain in their homes and communities for as long as possible.

Getting older should not be a life sentence into an institution. Other countries have implemented changes in housing and home care so seniors can stay in their home and community for as long as possible. There are proven benefits to keeping people in their homes and out of care centres.

My province is working on implementing change. I will continue to do my part to advocate for change in our current system for our aging population.

Thanksgiving: Finding New Ways to Celebrate When Your Loved Ones Reside in a Personal Care Home

Posted on October 10 by Admin

It’s Thanksgiving weekend in Canada. Traditionally, we would gather as a family for a turkey dinner today (Sunday) at Mom’s. But that hasn’t happened in three years. The COVID-19 pandemic restricted family gatherings during the last two Thanksgiving celebrations.

This weekend we don’t have to worry about COVID-19. Now that all the restrictions are gone, life as we know is back to a more normal routine. But while many families are happily getting together for their holiday dinners, our family won’t be. My sister is not well enough to leave the personal care home. Due to her failing health, she has spent every major holiday and once-in-a-lifetime event in the hospital since March 2020.

This is the first Thanksgiving weekend since Mom had her stroke and was admitted into a PCH. While I’m more than happy to plan a dinner at my place, Mom can’t get into my wheelchair inaccessible home. I suggested going to a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner instead, but Mom declined. It’s not as easy for her to go from place to place the way she used to.

Living in a senior’s care home, she doesn’t have the independence and freedom to up and leave whenever she wants like she did in her own home. Staff have to be informed, extra personal, medical and transportation arrangements must be made and the place we are going to must be wheelchair accessible. All that work and preparation makes going out uncomfortable for Mom. She doesn’t like the hassle as she calls it, so she chose to stay in the care home this weekend.

While most of the world has resumed normal activities, senior’s homes haven’t. Pre COVID, families could book time in a designated family to enjoy holiday and special occasion gatherings with their loved ones. The number of people allowed at these events were based on room size. But today, most personal care homes still follow strict COVID-19 protocols that impact who can visit, how many visitors each resident can have at one time and where outside visitors can meet with their loved ones in the facility. Masks are still mandatory so eating and other activities that require masks to be removed are also not allowed.

So, this Thanksgiving, we’re not gathering for our traditional family dinner. It definitely doesn’t feel the same. It’s strange, it’s sad, and it doesn’t feel like a holiday weekend. We all feel the loss. Commercials, news stories, social media posts and store advertisements further emphasize the fact that our family will not be together this holiday season.

As difficult as it is for us, her children, spouses, and grandchildren, it’s equally if not more difficult for Mom. She never thought she would spend her senior years in a personal care home. She never wanted to lose her house. Spending the holidays in a senior’s home is difficult for her. She misses cooking, baking, and being in her apartment. Holidays highlight what has been lost.

My sister has missed more special events than she cares to remember. This Thanksgiving is another holiday she cannot celebrate with her family. She misses the gatherings, the meals and the life she once took for granted.

Rather than focus on the negative, we are choosing to find ways to celebrate the holiday separately but together. It’s not only important for us as a family, but it is essential for Mom and my sister’s mental health and well being. This holiday should feel special regardless of where they reside. After all, there is still a lot to be thankful for and most importantly, we are very grateful that our mom and sister are still with us. While we can’t gather as one large group, we can still spend time with our loved ones. Whether it is a smaller dinner in our own home and immediate family or a visit at the seniors care home, we are together during this Thanksgiving weekend. And for that, despite feeling the loss of what can no longer be, I, along with my family, are very thankful for what we still have.

I’m a Mixed Bag of Emotions Over My Sister Moving to a Personal Care Home

Posted on September 22 by Admin

My sister moved into the personal care home on Monday. I’m happy to report everything went smoothly and she’s feeling good about the change. She was discharged from the hospital at 10:00 am and transferred to the care home where her husband met her to complete the admissions process. Once alle the paperwork was finalized, administrator, helped her settle into her new room and meet her roommate and some of the staff.

Like many care homes here, there are less single person rooms than shared rooms available, so most residents share a room when they are first admitted. Once someone moves into the facility, they are put on a waiting list for an individual room and eventually moved.

As a new admission, my sister is also on a mandatory 14-day COVID-19 quarantine period. She can’t leave her room for the next two weeks, but people can visit her. I went to see her later Monday afternoon to see how she was doing.

I haven’t seen her since early July, so it was nice to finally sit and chat in person again. Between my own busy schedule, visitation hour times, COVID-19 restrictions that are still in place in certain wards and facilities, and distance from the hospitals to my home, visiting her wasn’t easy.

As I drove to the care home to visit Mom first then my sister, I felt relieved that the rollercoaster of frequent hospital admissions and discharges she’s been on for the last 30 months is finally over. Now that she is in a more permanent place, my sister will finally have the stability, routine and ongoing care that she’s needed for a long time. It’s a relief knowing she won’t be going through the endless turmoil that was jeopardizing her health and life further anymore. Before this admission, every time she was rushed back to a hospital after a short stay in her home, we never knew if she was going to live or die. There were many stress filled days of uncertainty and fear. Knowing that part of hers and our journey was finally over was a positive thing.

But as I sat talking to my sister, grateful that she is still here and finally where she needs to be, I also felt a deep sense of sadness that I didn’t expect. I’ve been so focused on trying to make sure she received the ongoing and proper care she needs, I never thought about what that would actually look like.

And now, here we were, late Monday afternoon, sitting in the care home room she would now call hers and talking about the day’s events, personal care items she still needed, what we could get to personalize her side of the room, and her ongoing health issues. As I sat look at and listening to her, all I could feel was complete sadness.

Adding to my sorrow was her physical appearance. She doesn’t even look like the sister I’ve known all my life anymore. Disease and continued poor health, the permanent effects of the strokes, and the side-effects from the medications she is on have changed her appearance and physical abilities drastically. Her face and body are swollen from the fluid retention, her hair needed to be cut, her fluid filled arms lay limply across her wheelchair tray and the ravages of the last few years have aged her far beyond her years. It’s hard seeing someone so young, she’s only in her late 50’s, in such declined state.

As I sat there listening to her slowed speech, I couldn’t help but wonder if at a subconscious level, she regrets the decisions she has made. My sister’s health decline is completely self-inflicted. As I mentioned in my last blog, she and her husband spent most of their nearly 30 years’ marriage living a horrible lifestyle where exercise and healthy eating were almost non-existent. The decades of eating a horrible diet of processed and fast food almost daily has taken its toll on both of their health.

But if I’m honest, asking even her subconscious would likely be fruitless. My sister has known for years that if she continued to neglect her health, she would suffer the consequences. I remember talks we had about the importance of maintaining a healthy diet and exercise regularly was when she was first diagnosed with diabetes 20 years ago, but her response was always “I know, I know”. She would never take mine or other’s concerns seriously.

When she first started having health problems several years ago, doctors warned her of the more serious consequences she would face if she didn’t take better care of herself. She still didn’t listen and, after years of the same poor diet and lifestyle habits, it’s finally taken its toll.

Denial and the belief that ‘it will never happen to me’ are strong dictators that have far too much influence on many people’s lives and my sister is no exception. Thankfully, she is finally in a facility that will regulate her diet. For that, I’m very grateful.

As I sat there talking to her, I remembered the last trip we went on three years ago and the trips we wanted to go on in the future. I remembered the shopping trips, family gatherings, dinners, and get-together’s she used to enjoy. I remembered how much she and Mom used to enjoy going to play Bingo every week and her dogs that she adored but had to be rehomed due to her declining health. I remembered the happy, lively person she once was. That person is gone. She will never enjoy a life of independence and choice again and that realization filled me with a deep sorrow. It’s such an unnecessary loss. I can’t even begin to imagine losing everything I love so much about life.

But for all the relief, gratitude, frustration, worry, stress and sorrow that I have and continue to feel, there are many emotions I don’t feel. I don’t feel angry, bitter, resentful or disgusted at my sister or her unhealthy life choices that resulted in her current situation. But I also don’t feel sympathetic or pity for her circumstances either. I know she’s done this to herself and no warnings, words of advice or supports changed her behaviour. She’s living with the consequences of her decisions, she is reaping what she has sewn and it’s just sad.

As I adjust to having two family members in the same personal care home, I’m filled with many mixed emotions. From relief that my mom and sister are both safe, happiness that they can finally see each other again, gratitude that they are both still here with us, to resignation that they both are now living in a personal care facility, helpless to stop these changes, and sadness for the lives of independence, good health, and freedom of personal choice in their own home and community are forever gone.